Meandering As Fuck
I'm going to take you on a little journey, to show you how fucked it is to be inside my head. At least, concerning music and the internet. So brace yourself, please.
See I'm up all night and I'm delirious by morning and I find myself at The House I Grew Up In. I'm watching something on HBO {we don't have HBO at my house, nor do we have a goddamn 42" plasma tv} so I leave my ipod to charge on the Bose Sounddock in the kitchen. It's charging away and all of a sudden I have to watch every episode of John From Cincinnati. As the house wakes up and I start to drift off, my mother's ipod can be heard, blaring strains of Death Cab for Cutie, Earth Wind and Fire, and The Spice Girls. I veto her choices, mainly to be contrary, and as she and my father gear up to scooter around town Ferraby Lionheart comes on. My little brother Calvin and I are eating food in the kitchen, enjoying this fucker immensely when I realize that I never did the legwork on finding out who this charming musician/songwriter was.
{Top, Ferraby Lionheart; Bottom the far right, Calvin Rudy}
Ferraby Lionheart makes music that allows you to smile at heartbreaking things, ruminate on some ridiculous shit, and generally reminds you that music is what separates us from the animals. Jon Brion gave him the seal of approval, his band was great while it lasted, and he's got a pretty good attitude. Here is the song that stood shoulder to shoulder with me, smirking as I appreciated the weather and the company and raucous group laughter. I know I'm late on posting it, as his EP has been kicking ass since '06 and his soon-to-be released album Catch The Brass Ring has been getting whispered and slurred about all around the internet.Swear, it's hellof good.
Arright so here comes the ridiculous part of the post, where I just tell you to buckle your seatbelt or put on your helmet or maybe just clutch a pillow or something. Shit will now commence being meandering and nonsensical.
Arright so here comes the ridiculous part of the post, where I just tell you to buckle your seatbelt or put on your helmet or maybe just clutch a pillow or something. Shit will now commence being meandering and nonsensical.
The Beast's Brain + A Slow Computer:
Site One, Ferraby Lionheart
Cruising through the tricky flash, reading his hipster approximation of an "About Me."
Hipster though he may be, dude still manages to be fairly charming. Aww fuck, he name-dropped Jon Brion, it's going to be really hard not to like him. Hey fuck this little arrow up and down scrolling bullshit, utilize a whole page. Arright, let's see your upcoming shows. Hell yes! Cafe Du Nord, August 3rd. Store that away in the memory bank. Man, who the fuck is his record company? Nettwerk? Hmm. Click.
Site Two, Nettwerk
Annoying pop-up window "radio" playing Sarah MacLaughlin or however the fuck you spell her name.
Fuck THAT, Nettwerk. You have pretty much lost all credibility, before I've even seen your main site. Dammit. It's a little bit pretty. Wait, what the FUCK? Chantal Kreviazuk, Datarock, Kinky...what the hell is this place? The Format, Sara McLachlan? This place is a black hole. I can't stay too long. I'm so confused. NO, fuck this. I'll explore this later, I'm just here for Mr. Lionheart. Well, I didn't need to visit for this. Nice shirts though. I wish I wasn't broke. Wait, what the hell is this little link at the bottom that says "Chulo Pony"? OH NO, it's a fucking clothing site. Back arrow, quick! Jesus Christ I feel like Indiana fucking Jones after that. Dodged a fucking poison dart. Oh. They're Canadian. I get it now.
Site Three, Cafe Du Nord
Yeah yeah, secret Spoon Rogue Wave concert. Blah blah blah. Let me get at that calendar page.
St. Vincent and Death Vessel before Lionheart? From what I remember, all Death Vessel really has is a gimmick and some clever song titles. Damn, what the hell? I mean, St. Vincent can get top billing sure. That girl was being murmured about for a second. Polyphonic Spree and something else. Hmm. Click.
Site Four, St. Vincent's Myspace
Let's hear "Marry Me."
If I was really into these slow girl singers with lilting voices, she'd probably hit the spot or something. Pretty songs, but I'm not really in the mood. I'll be she's really great in concert, all concentration and endearingly coy breathy speaking voice and self-deprecating giggles that lead into half-explanations for songs. Ew. Fucking Sufjan. Ha. She's got her own little blog she doesn't update too much. What label is she on? Click.
Site Five, Beggars Banquet
Current artists page.
Nice. I'll file this one away in the mental bank to check out later when I give a shit. Ooh, you know what I want to hear? Mother. I guess Mother Mother, thanks to copyright bullshit.
Site Six, Mother Mother
Weird updated site. Let's see your bio.
Ha! Redekopp. I remember reading something about that in the last bio, but this site used to be so much worse than it is now. Which isn't saying too much. Man, I wish I wasn't saving my money, I'd totally support these guys by buying a t-shirt. Arright, take me to your myspace, I want some music.
Site Seven, Mother Mother's Myspace
Yeah man, I haven't heard "Touch Up" yet. Click.
Excellent. These guys are still great. It's a shame their closest date is Portland, and it's today. I'm surprised I like these singers together. This is a good song. I need to get this album. Later, when I'm okay with spending money. Uh oh, I'm getting restless. Oh, man. Last Gang Records. Duh I'm going to click on you.
Site Eight, Last Gang Records Myspace
Don't mind me, I'm just here to click on your legitimate website. Excuse me, can I just squeeze on through here? Thanks.
Site Nine, Last Gang Records
Jeez. Inundated with information and visuals and all sorts of shit. Where do I even start?
Man, this happens every time I get on this site. It's a little bit too much stylized interesting information for me to deal with all at once. I'll get stoned and deal with this site later {Psh. How many times have I made that mental note?}. Oooh, I forgot to check on Sonic Living for this Ferraby Lionheart show. Click.
Site Ten, Sonic Living
Oh. New friend request. Great. Now I've got, like, seven friends. {Hint: get on this site, be my friend}
Swell. Thanks to the internet, seven people might know that I'll maybe attend this concert.
Site One, Ferraby Lionheart
Cruising through the tricky flash, reading his hipster approximation of an "About Me."
Hipster though he may be, dude still manages to be fairly charming. Aww fuck, he name-dropped Jon Brion, it's going to be really hard not to like him. Hey fuck this little arrow up and down scrolling bullshit, utilize a whole page. Arright, let's see your upcoming shows. Hell yes! Cafe Du Nord, August 3rd. Store that away in the memory bank. Man, who the fuck is his record company? Nettwerk? Hmm. Click.
Site Two, Nettwerk
Annoying pop-up window "radio" playing Sarah MacLaughlin or however the fuck you spell her name.
Fuck THAT, Nettwerk. You have pretty much lost all credibility, before I've even seen your main site. Dammit. It's a little bit pretty. Wait, what the FUCK? Chantal Kreviazuk, Datarock, Kinky...what the hell is this place? The Format, Sara McLachlan? This place is a black hole. I can't stay too long. I'm so confused. NO, fuck this. I'll explore this later, I'm just here for Mr. Lionheart. Well, I didn't need to visit for this. Nice shirts though. I wish I wasn't broke. Wait, what the hell is this little link at the bottom that says "Chulo Pony"? OH NO, it's a fucking clothing site. Back arrow, quick! Jesus Christ I feel like Indiana fucking Jones after that. Dodged a fucking poison dart. Oh. They're Canadian. I get it now.
Site Three, Cafe Du Nord
Yeah yeah, secret Spoon Rogue Wave concert. Blah blah blah. Let me get at that calendar page.
St. Vincent and Death Vessel before Lionheart? From what I remember, all Death Vessel really has is a gimmick and some clever song titles. Damn, what the hell? I mean, St. Vincent can get top billing sure. That girl was being murmured about for a second. Polyphonic Spree and something else. Hmm. Click.
Site Four, St. Vincent's Myspace
Let's hear "Marry Me."
If I was really into these slow girl singers with lilting voices, she'd probably hit the spot or something. Pretty songs, but I'm not really in the mood. I'll be she's really great in concert, all concentration and endearingly coy breathy speaking voice and self-deprecating giggles that lead into half-explanations for songs. Ew. Fucking Sufjan. Ha. She's got her own little blog she doesn't update too much. What label is she on? Click.
Site Five, Beggars Banquet
Current artists page.
Nice. I'll file this one away in the mental bank to check out later when I give a shit. Ooh, you know what I want to hear? Mother. I guess Mother Mother, thanks to copyright bullshit.
Site Six, Mother Mother
Weird updated site. Let's see your bio.
Ha! Redekopp. I remember reading something about that in the last bio, but this site used to be so much worse than it is now. Which isn't saying too much. Man, I wish I wasn't saving my money, I'd totally support these guys by buying a t-shirt. Arright, take me to your myspace, I want some music.
Site Seven, Mother Mother's Myspace
Yeah man, I haven't heard "Touch Up" yet. Click.
Excellent. These guys are still great. It's a shame their closest date is Portland, and it's today. I'm surprised I like these singers together. This is a good song. I need to get this album. Later, when I'm okay with spending money. Uh oh, I'm getting restless. Oh, man. Last Gang Records. Duh I'm going to click on you.
Site Eight, Last Gang Records Myspace
Don't mind me, I'm just here to click on your legitimate website. Excuse me, can I just squeeze on through here? Thanks.
Site Nine, Last Gang Records
Jeez. Inundated with information and visuals and all sorts of shit. Where do I even start?
Man, this happens every time I get on this site. It's a little bit too much stylized interesting information for me to deal with all at once. I'll get stoned and deal with this site later {Psh. How many times have I made that mental note?}. Oooh, I forgot to check on Sonic Living for this Ferraby Lionheart show. Click.
Site Ten, Sonic Living
Oh. New friend request. Great. Now I've got, like, seven friends. {Hint: get on this site, be my friend}
Swell. Thanks to the internet, seven people might know that I'll maybe attend this concert.
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